This week is special to me because it is the one year anniversary of the days in which God recaptured my heart and mind and began the final preparations of them for my husband. He gently stitched my torn and tattered heart back together, weaving in all of the love lessons I'd painfully learned up to that point. He decidely redefined words like "love" and "forever" for me as my mutated definitions had let me down time and time again. He rebuilt me into the woman I was designed to be, instead of the shell I had defected into.
There was a time where I thought I would never recover from my broken heart, and I thought I was in the depths of despair. I now see how God orcestrated the situation of a broken heart to bring me down to zero so that through lifting me up He would be glorified. My heart is still scarred, but finally it is being gently held by the only man that truly deserves it.
To the damaged woman inside of me, I remind: God is good, all the time.
To my husband: I will follow you into the darkness.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Road Rage
Since posting about staying in Eau Claire during my training I've started commuting daily to and from. The days are longer, but they're not as lonely. Plus it gives me some time alone in the car to think. Here's some of the things I've found myself thinking in the last 2 weeks...
--"Next car: Cruise Control."
--"I wish I could just crash my car into other cars sometimes..."
--"Man, I never use my horn, but when I do why do I always find myself in the same situation as the person I just honked at a few minutes ago?"
--"GPS could only get better if it followed up directional statements with affirming statements. 'In point 2 miles turn left, Beautiful.' or 'In point 9 miles exit right, if that D-Bag would get out of your blind spot.'"
--"Wow, Dad was right: Pricks From Illinois..."
--"Seriously State Troopers? Is there so little crime to fight you need to set up 2 speed traps outside of Eau Claire before 9am??"
--"Did Tom Shane just say 'Synthetic man-made boobies'?? Oh! Rubies!"
--"Lady Gaga's new song sounds just like Ace of Bass."
--"It's nice to know I've still got it..."
--"I love seeing guys singing along to the radio alone in their car."
--"I wish when you gave somebody the Stink Eye they could feel it on their body like lasers."
I'm sure none of you have ever felt the same way...
--"Next car: Cruise Control."
--"I wish I could just crash my car into other cars sometimes..."
--"Man, I never use my horn, but when I do why do I always find myself in the same situation as the person I just honked at a few minutes ago?"
--"GPS could only get better if it followed up directional statements with affirming statements. 'In point 2 miles turn left, Beautiful.' or 'In point 9 miles exit right, if that D-Bag would get out of your blind spot.'"
--"Wow, Dad was right: Pricks From Illinois..."
--"Seriously State Troopers? Is there so little crime to fight you need to set up 2 speed traps outside of Eau Claire before 9am??"
--"Did Tom Shane just say 'Synthetic man-made boobies'?? Oh! Rubies!"
--"Lady Gaga's new song sounds just like Ace of Bass."
--"It's nice to know I've still got it..."
--"I love seeing guys singing along to the radio alone in their car."
--"I wish when you gave somebody the Stink Eye they could feel it on their body like lasers."
I'm sure none of you have ever felt the same way...
Friday, July 2, 2010
Dear Man-Giant in the blue Geo Metro,
It's hard for me to take you and your angry face seriously in that tiny car, with the tiny "meep meep" horn, even when you lean out of your driver's side window to give me the Stink Eye. I guess I don't know where you thought I should have gone this morning when coming onto the highway with an on-ramp that had no merge area because of the construction. I would like to point out that the lack of merge area was well marked with giant orange barrels and signage for no less than 1/4 mile before. I realize when merging it's my responsibility to come up to speed before coming into your lane, but that just wasn't an option today, and I don't think our situation was the same as the typical "cutting off" scenario. However, thanks for letting me know how I was wrong to encroach on your driving space.
I hope you have a great day, but you should know that next time I will hit you.
Yours Truly,
Lauren
I hope you have a great day, but you should know that next time I will hit you.
Yours Truly,
Lauren
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Training Wheels
Some of you know I took a job as a Financial Sales Representative with a Credit Union. I'm very excited for this life change. As our marriage started to grow we really began to see that the restaurant world wasn't giving me what I needed anymore. There were weeks where Ryan and I only seemed to pass in the hallway coming and going. As we coveted our moments together (since sometimes they really were just moments) we realized what a strain it was on our desire to grow into Oneness. Every week as my crazy schedule came out I could see the stress in Ryan not knowing where I was going to be, or when I'd be around, or how much I was going to work. We had to schedule in Date Nights, or even time to watch TV together.
This position was offered to me after a pretty cool sequence of events set up by God, and then executed by Ryan's mom (thanks, MB. ;)). Ryan and I spent hours praying that God would lead me to a position, but not just any position. We prayed that God would provide a position that saw value in the skills and experience I had, but wanted to use them in a different way, preferably a different industry. We wanted something that could become a career for me, not just another job. We prayed that when we stumbled upon the position that God would take away any doubt or anxiety we had about it.
My interview lasted almost 2 hours, and consisted of laughing and chatting with the ladies present as if we'd known each other for years. In ending the interview I was told that it could possibly take up to two weeks to hear back about the position. They called me back 4 hours later to say they didn't want to mess around anymore, it was unanimous between the three ladies that they wanted to bring me into their team. They knew I had what it takes to be successful in this position, and they didn't care that I didn't have any true banking experience!
So three weeks later, here I am in training in Wisconsin for the next month. Training is going very well. Today was day 3, and we finally started learning about the products and services we have to offer. It's been pretty fun and interesting. Ryan's mom keeps joking (at least I think she's joking!) about me making it past Day 3. Well I have, and I'm still into it, so I hope that's a good sign! Most of my class is high schoolers, with 2 college students thrown in. I'm the only FSR, everybody else is there for teller positions. I literally have nothing to say to these other girls, and as is always the case with me, the girl I like the least has latched onto me like we're best friends. In the immortal words of my mother, "You don't have to like everyone, but you can't be mean to anyone."
Emotionally this has been pretty exhausting, and we're not even done with Week 1! Thanks to technology I've been able to keep in touch with Ryan just like a typical day. But this is the longest we will have gone without seeing each other since we met. I'll be gone Sunday nights through Fridays, and head home straight from work on Friday every week. I know that this won't kill us, and that it is for the greater good of our family, but it's sad. I'm sad without him.
Thanks to everybody who prayed this job would find me. It is a serious blessing, and I'm very excited to start my new career!
Thanks again to everybody who has prayed for me and Ryan this week (and on into the month). I know it will help us through the frustrating parts. Just like it's training wheels for the job, this is training wheels for Ryan and me too!
Cheers, to a new career!
This position was offered to me after a pretty cool sequence of events set up by God, and then executed by Ryan's mom (thanks, MB. ;)). Ryan and I spent hours praying that God would lead me to a position, but not just any position. We prayed that God would provide a position that saw value in the skills and experience I had, but wanted to use them in a different way, preferably a different industry. We wanted something that could become a career for me, not just another job. We prayed that when we stumbled upon the position that God would take away any doubt or anxiety we had about it.
My interview lasted almost 2 hours, and consisted of laughing and chatting with the ladies present as if we'd known each other for years. In ending the interview I was told that it could possibly take up to two weeks to hear back about the position. They called me back 4 hours later to say they didn't want to mess around anymore, it was unanimous between the three ladies that they wanted to bring me into their team. They knew I had what it takes to be successful in this position, and they didn't care that I didn't have any true banking experience!
So three weeks later, here I am in training in Wisconsin for the next month. Training is going very well. Today was day 3, and we finally started learning about the products and services we have to offer. It's been pretty fun and interesting. Ryan's mom keeps joking (at least I think she's joking!) about me making it past Day 3. Well I have, and I'm still into it, so I hope that's a good sign! Most of my class is high schoolers, with 2 college students thrown in. I'm the only FSR, everybody else is there for teller positions. I literally have nothing to say to these other girls, and as is always the case with me, the girl I like the least has latched onto me like we're best friends. In the immortal words of my mother, "You don't have to like everyone, but you can't be mean to anyone."
Emotionally this has been pretty exhausting, and we're not even done with Week 1! Thanks to technology I've been able to keep in touch with Ryan just like a typical day. But this is the longest we will have gone without seeing each other since we met. I'll be gone Sunday nights through Fridays, and head home straight from work on Friday every week. I know that this won't kill us, and that it is for the greater good of our family, but it's sad. I'm sad without him.
Thanks to everybody who prayed this job would find me. It is a serious blessing, and I'm very excited to start my new career!
Thanks again to everybody who has prayed for me and Ryan this week (and on into the month). I know it will help us through the frustrating parts. Just like it's training wheels for the job, this is training wheels for Ryan and me too!
Cheers, to a new career!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Makin' Magic Outta Canned Goods - 5
This week's plan (and last week's plan too) is:
Michigan Dogs with Creamy Coleslaw
**This was a recipe straight off the Rachel Ray show. Ryan and I watched her make it, salivating the whole time! Try them, you won't be disappointed. Michigan Dogs
**We topped them with shredded cheddar and mustard, instead of the cheese sauce. They were sooo good!
Salmon Kabobs with Rice and Tomato-Onion Salad
** Last week I saw salmon kabobs at Rainbow at the seafood counter, I went back this week to buy them. They were spendy, but delish! Three of them were enough for our dinner, plus Ryan's lunch.
**Rainbow also usually has steak and chicken kabobs pre-assembled, and with the salmon kabobs were also tuna kabobs. 'Bobs for everybody!
**I might have mentioned it before, but Ryan and I like to eat BBQ sauce on our rice--I know, weird--but we do! So we sauced our rice with our salmon. Try BBQ salmon filets with rice sometime!
**I made a tomato and onion salad, with olive oil and salt and pepper. It was similar to that mozzarella salad, but no mozzarella.
GF Potato Gnocchi and Peasto, and Grilled Chicken
** My old roommate Bia used to eat cheese perogies with sauteed peas and onions--that's what this meal is like.
**A while back I found a recipe for "pesto" made out of frozen/fresh peas (ahem, PEA-sto). I can't find the same recipe online, but when I get home I'll note where it came from. But I had some in the freezer, so we're eating it up!
**I modified a potato gnocchi recipe t be gluten free (subbing rice/garbanzo flour for wheat flour). So we'll see how they turn out. The substitutions were based on some GF recipes I found as well. The original recipe I found was at King Arthur Flour.
**I'll probably par-boil the gnocchi (about 60 seconds) and then fry them in oil to finish cooking for a (hopefully) crisp outside
**I'll also probably throw some sauteed onions into the mix, because I like them, and add grilled chicken breasts to make it more substantial.
Special Request: Steak with Rice and Asparagus
** Ryan wanted steak for dinner. I asked if he wanted anything special with it, or any sauce. NOPE.
**What does Ryan want with his steak? RICE. Always rice.
**Ryan likes all green veggies, so we're having asparagus with butter and lemon.
**He's an easy man to please.
Crock-Pot Chicken with Mushroom Sauce
**I wanted something to throw in the crock-pot to be ready for him after work, since I was at work into the evening.
**I used this recipe, but substituted cream cheese for the sour cream (because I wanted something more luxurious), and added fresh mushrooms and onion. I also mixed together the sauce and tasted/seasoned it before I put it in. You never know what you're gonna get flavor-wise with those canned soups!
**It was exactly what beef stroganoff would be if you used chicken.
**Neither Ryan or I loved it, but it wasn't bad. He ate it over rice, and I ate the leftovers.
Bon Appetit!
Michigan Dogs with Creamy Coleslaw
**This was a recipe straight off the Rachel Ray show. Ryan and I watched her make it, salivating the whole time! Try them, you won't be disappointed. Michigan Dogs
**We topped them with shredded cheddar and mustard, instead of the cheese sauce. They were sooo good!
Salmon Kabobs with Rice and Tomato-Onion Salad
** Last week I saw salmon kabobs at Rainbow at the seafood counter, I went back this week to buy them. They were spendy, but delish! Three of them were enough for our dinner, plus Ryan's lunch.
**Rainbow also usually has steak and chicken kabobs pre-assembled, and with the salmon kabobs were also tuna kabobs. 'Bobs for everybody!
**I might have mentioned it before, but Ryan and I like to eat BBQ sauce on our rice--I know, weird--but we do! So we sauced our rice with our salmon. Try BBQ salmon filets with rice sometime!
**I made a tomato and onion salad, with olive oil and salt and pepper. It was similar to that mozzarella salad, but no mozzarella.
GF Potato Gnocchi and Peasto, and Grilled Chicken
** My old roommate Bia used to eat cheese perogies with sauteed peas and onions--that's what this meal is like.
**A while back I found a recipe for "pesto" made out of frozen/fresh peas (ahem, PEA-sto). I can't find the same recipe online, but when I get home I'll note where it came from. But I had some in the freezer, so we're eating it up!
**I modified a potato gnocchi recipe t be gluten free (subbing rice/garbanzo flour for wheat flour). So we'll see how they turn out. The substitutions were based on some GF recipes I found as well. The original recipe I found was at King Arthur Flour.
**I'll probably par-boil the gnocchi (about 60 seconds) and then fry them in oil to finish cooking for a (hopefully) crisp outside
**I'll also probably throw some sauteed onions into the mix, because I like them, and add grilled chicken breasts to make it more substantial.
Special Request: Steak with Rice and Asparagus
** Ryan wanted steak for dinner. I asked if he wanted anything special with it, or any sauce. NOPE.
**What does Ryan want with his steak? RICE. Always rice.
**Ryan likes all green veggies, so we're having asparagus with butter and lemon.
**He's an easy man to please.
Crock-Pot Chicken with Mushroom Sauce
**I wanted something to throw in the crock-pot to be ready for him after work, since I was at work into the evening.
**I used this recipe, but substituted cream cheese for the sour cream (because I wanted something more luxurious), and added fresh mushrooms and onion. I also mixed together the sauce and tasted/seasoned it before I put it in. You never know what you're gonna get flavor-wise with those canned soups!
**It was exactly what beef stroganoff would be if you used chicken.
**Neither Ryan or I loved it, but it wasn't bad. He ate it over rice, and I ate the leftovers.
Bon Appetit!
The Collyer Bros.
Per Carole's comment on my last blog, I read about the Collyer brothers. If you are interested, there's a long article you can read about them here. It's pretty f'd up, to say the least, but I couldn't stop reading it!
If you don't want to read the article, the gist of it is as follows...
Homer Lusk Collyer (November 6, 1881 – March 21, 1947) and Langley Collyer (October 3, 1885 – March 1947) were two American brothers who became famous because of their snobbish nature, filth in their homes, and compulsive hoarding. For decades, neighborhood rumors swirled around the rarely seen, unemployed men and their home at 2078 Fifth Avenue (at the corner of 128th Street), in Manhattan, where they obsessively collected newspapers, books, furniture, musical instruments, and many other items, with booby traps set up in corridors and doorways to protect against intruders. Both were eventually found dead in the Harlem brownstone where they had lived as hermits, surrounded by over 130 tons of waste that they had amassed over several decades.[1]
...Click here if you want to read the rest of this article...
(Thank you, Wikipedia.)
The rest of the Wikipedia article explains more, but I liked the article from the link above better.
If you don't want to read the article, the gist of it is as follows...
Homer Lusk Collyer (November 6, 1881 – March 21, 1947) and Langley Collyer (October 3, 1885 – March 1947) were two American brothers who became famous because of their snobbish nature, filth in their homes, and compulsive hoarding. For decades, neighborhood rumors swirled around the rarely seen, unemployed men and their home at 2078 Fifth Avenue (at the corner of 128th Street), in Manhattan, where they obsessively collected newspapers, books, furniture, musical instruments, and many other items, with booby traps set up in corridors and doorways to protect against intruders. Both were eventually found dead in the Harlem brownstone where they had lived as hermits, surrounded by over 130 tons of waste that they had amassed over several decades.[1]
...Click here if you want to read the rest of this article...
(Thank you, Wikipedia.)
The rest of the Wikipedia article explains more, but I liked the article from the link above better.
Monday, June 7, 2010
My own personal episode of "Hoarders"
I'm sure some of you have heard about our downstairs neighbor, Michelle, (aka Crazy Lady). For those of you who haven't...
Michelle has lived in this building for 27 years, since she was in college, I'm not sure how old that makes her. Ryan and I have only ever seen her in dirty old night gowns with a ratty shawl, or an over-sized denim jumper with a man's button down shirt underneath. She has long grey hair that is either pulled half way back, or into a bun every time. I've always thought she looked like a bag lady and a shut-in, like a "Cat Lady." Michelle started knocking on Ryan's door the day he moved in. She wants to know what he's doing, why he's making so much noise, did he have people going in and out, did they have permission to be here? Sometimes Ryan would ignore her knocking and turn the TV up, or quarantine himself to the couch for a length of time as if he's sleeping, or not home. Michelle started knocking on the door while I was here when we started dating, and I think we became friends. She told me about how she has incredible hearing because she never went to "those rock concerts" like her friends did. She told me about how she has been the "victim" of much harassment and has thus barricaded her front door and only uses her back door, sent all of her mail to a P.O. Box instead of the mailboxes at our apartment, and set booby traps in her apartment so she'll know if somebody was in there while she was away. We haven't ever even seen her window shades open. She has told me about how much she loves her apartment, the old woodwork and fixtures, and has spent years collecting antique furniture and trinkets to go with our old world apartments. She has even gone as far as to not let the landlord remodel her bathroom to have a shower since she moved in when everything was still just bathtubs. She is very particular about her things, and is adamant about protecting her privacy--to the point of not making a phone call without blocking her own phone number.
Through our chats I have come to realize that Michelle is just a very lonely woman trapped both inside her apartment and her own paranoia. I have done what I could to show her Christ's love and kindness. And though anytime Michelle knocked I knew it was going to eat up 2 hours of my day, I actually enjoyed her because I knew that I offered the only social interaction she would engage in for days.
The last time I saw Michelle was when she came up to tell me about confronting the rental agent the day before about some issues she was having with the heat in the apartment, as well as people going into her apartment without asking. She went out that morning to find a notice on her door saying they were evicting her. As Michelle told me about it I thought she was going to cry. This had been her home of 27 years, and they were taking it away from her! I felt so awful for her. Crazy lady or not, she had built a home for herself here.
When Ryan and I came home from San Antonio this week we saw that the windows of her apartment were propped open, as if to air the apartment out--since we know Michelle would never leave her shades up, let alone her windows wide open, we know she's moved out. We stood outside joking about how Ryan should climb up the side of the building into her apartment and let me in from the inside so we could see what it was like. We decided that would be a bad idea, and just tried the apartment door from the hallway instead. This is what we found...
In this picture you can really see how dusty everything was; the floor was so dusty it was almost slippery.
The picture doesn't really capture it, but there was a pile of plastic bags by the door that was the size of a small entertainment center.
Michelle has lived in this building for 27 years, since she was in college, I'm not sure how old that makes her. Ryan and I have only ever seen her in dirty old night gowns with a ratty shawl, or an over-sized denim jumper with a man's button down shirt underneath. She has long grey hair that is either pulled half way back, or into a bun every time. I've always thought she looked like a bag lady and a shut-in, like a "Cat Lady." Michelle started knocking on Ryan's door the day he moved in. She wants to know what he's doing, why he's making so much noise, did he have people going in and out, did they have permission to be here? Sometimes Ryan would ignore her knocking and turn the TV up, or quarantine himself to the couch for a length of time as if he's sleeping, or not home. Michelle started knocking on the door while I was here when we started dating, and I think we became friends. She told me about how she has incredible hearing because she never went to "those rock concerts" like her friends did. She told me about how she has been the "victim" of much harassment and has thus barricaded her front door and only uses her back door, sent all of her mail to a P.O. Box instead of the mailboxes at our apartment, and set booby traps in her apartment so she'll know if somebody was in there while she was away. We haven't ever even seen her window shades open. She has told me about how much she loves her apartment, the old woodwork and fixtures, and has spent years collecting antique furniture and trinkets to go with our old world apartments. She has even gone as far as to not let the landlord remodel her bathroom to have a shower since she moved in when everything was still just bathtubs. She is very particular about her things, and is adamant about protecting her privacy--to the point of not making a phone call without blocking her own phone number.
Through our chats I have come to realize that Michelle is just a very lonely woman trapped both inside her apartment and her own paranoia. I have done what I could to show her Christ's love and kindness. And though anytime Michelle knocked I knew it was going to eat up 2 hours of my day, I actually enjoyed her because I knew that I offered the only social interaction she would engage in for days.
The last time I saw Michelle was when she came up to tell me about confronting the rental agent the day before about some issues she was having with the heat in the apartment, as well as people going into her apartment without asking. She went out that morning to find a notice on her door saying they were evicting her. As Michelle told me about it I thought she was going to cry. This had been her home of 27 years, and they were taking it away from her! I felt so awful for her. Crazy lady or not, she had built a home for herself here.
When Ryan and I came home from San Antonio this week we saw that the windows of her apartment were propped open, as if to air the apartment out--since we know Michelle would never leave her shades up, let alone her windows wide open, we know she's moved out. We stood outside joking about how Ryan should climb up the side of the building into her apartment and let me in from the inside so we could see what it was like. We decided that would be a bad idea, and just tried the apartment door from the hallway instead. This is what we found...
Window propped open to air the place out. It's been like that for at least a week... how musty was it??
You can't see them very well in this pic, but there were several dried flower arrangements.
Dried flowers=dust.
You can't see them very well in this pic, but there were several dried flower arrangements.
Dried flowers=dust.
There was food left in the cupboards, and her bathroom cupboard/cabinet were full of products, and the kitchen was straight up disgusting.
Obviously there was garbage everywhere.
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