Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Guess what happened to me yesterday...

Oh, ya know. Got engaged... No big deal. :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Red-headed step-child

In a conversation about the baby Jesus, and the reason for the season, the following statement came out of Ryan's mouth tonight at Target...

"I bet Joseph spanked Jesus... 'You're not my real dad!'"
(Lauren: hysterical laughter...)

Monday, December 14, 2009

Ten Years Ago...

..........................10 years ago..........................

1.) How old were you? 16.
2.) Where did you go to school? Austin High School
3.) Where did you work? Decatur Country Club
4.) Where did you live? Decatur, AL
5.) Where did you hang out? My house, Books-a-Million, Waffle House.
6.) Did you wear glasses? Sometimes.
7.) Who was your best friend(s)? Erin, Sarah and Cristi, Cliff and Randall, Leslie...
8.) How many tattoos did you have? None.
9.) How many piercings did you have? Ears.
10.) What car did you drive? Daphne, the 1983 Volvo 240
11.) Had you been to a real party? No.
12.) Had your heart broken? Not yet.
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: There was always somebody...

-------------------5 years ago-------------------
1.) How old were you? 21.
 2.) Where did you go to school? University of Wisconsin-Stout.
3.) Where did you work? Barkers Bar & Grill in Hudson.
4.)Where did you live? Menomonie, WI.
5.) Where did you hang out? This was my busiest semester of school, I didn't really hang out anywhere except my boyfriend's house... and the bar...
6.) Did you wear glasses? Sometimes.
7.) Who was your best friend(s)? Kim Arth, Phil of QFP, Jason.
8.) Who was your crush? Jason.
9.) How many tattoos did you have? None.
10.) How many piercings did you have? Ears.
11.) What car did you drive? 1992 Ford Ranger. LOVED IT!
12.) Had you had your heart broken? Yes, yes I had.
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: Taken.

****************December 2009******************

1.) How old are you? 26.
2.) Where do you work? I'm livin' the dream.
3.) Where do you live? Saint Paul, MN
4.) Where do you hang out? My place or Ryan's, the Muddy Pig.
5.) Do you wear glasses? Yes.
5.) Who is your best friend? Ryan, Jean, Erin.
6.) Do you talk to your old friends? Not many, but the good ones seem to be reappearing.
7.) How many piercings do you have? Ears.
8.) How many tattoos? None.
9.) What kind of car do you have? 2000-something Pontiac Sunfire.
10.) Has your heart been broken? I'm pretty sure I've endured my last one. It's a nice thought...
11.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter? Very happily taken.

Dear Aforementioned New Coworker...

I'm sorry you got fired this week.Even with this tough economy your sparkling personality should have you in a new gig in no time!

Best of luck,

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Dear Mom,

How's that? ;)


East Coast Extravaganza

A few weeks ago I went to Baltimore to visit my friend Heather. We spent some time in Baltimore, and then headed to NYC, as well as Philadelphia and Atlantic City. Enjoy the pictures!

Baltimore was fun. Ate some crab. Saw Charm City Cakes (home of Ace of Cakes) which was fun. Saw a roll of toilet paper on the antenna of a car. Not too much else to report.

First thing we ate when we got to NYC was cupcakes from the Street Sweets truck. See the people near the truck in the background? The guy was from a TV show and had a camera crew with him!

Obviously, this is Radio City Music Hall with the Christmas tree lit up!

This is the John Lennon tribute in Central Park.
From here Heather told me every statue we saw was of John Lennon.

We went to Carnegie Deli where you can get a deli sandwich that's 2 feet tall! We ate a regular pastrami sandwich, and it was delicious. They bring you pickles in a bowl for an appetizer!

This is me in Times Square. We sat here for a while before we went to see "Bye Bye Birdie" with John Stamos.

"John Stamos spit on me, and it was the best day of my life!" --Heather

Chelsea Market is home of the Food Network Kitchens.

"You can eat a pound of meat, but you can't eat a damn cupckae??" --Heather

These photos are of Ground Zero...

The Statue of Liberty from shore...

This is me on the Brooklyn Bridge, when I made Heather walk to Brooklyn for pizza. I will say, it might be the best pizza I've ever eaten...

This is all of Philadelphia... Cheesesteaks. I will go on record saying this sandwich made it into the Top 3 Best Sandwiches Ever. Thank you, Pat's Steaks.

Then we went to Atlantic City. This is Zotar, the guy that make Tom Hanks big in "Big." He didn't really do anything for me...

This is on the boardwalk and the shore. Notice that Heather and I are all bundled up, and that's a surfer.

We picked Trump's Taj Mahal because it was the sparkliest. Needless to say it didn't help us win.

New Jersey appears to be pretty much a waste of a state. I can't think of any reason to ever go back there. And the quote of the state was, "Seriously. Nobody here is attractive." --Heather

That's it! From Atlantic City we went back to Baltimore and ate more Crab Pretzles. Trust me, you wish you were eating one right now. And then in the morning I flew back to Minnesota.

Thanks for an awesome time, Heather!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Dear New Co-Worker,

If you want me to believe you when you try to convince me you're not a bitch, you should try not to be such a COMPLETE RAGING BITCH.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Stanley Cup

This week at work I touched the Stanley Cup.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

You know you're a server when... hide food in your apron pocket, so you have something to eat later.

Yes it's gross.
No, this isn't the first place I've worked where this is acceptable behavior.
Yes, you would do it too.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Halloween Pictures

Sorry for the delay in photo documentation of Halloween. But here's a few pictures from the evening...

Lauren & Ryan...Wonder Woman & Superman

Jean & Jack... Sherlock Holmes & Siren

Checkin' things out!

"Best Costume" goes to the Robots!

I don't remember what was going on here... But it's the only semi-full-body shot of my costume that was so lovingly handmade. :)

Special thanks to Mamma Knows for her costume sewing expertise.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Romantical Halloween

Sweetest thing ever:
Parked in a big puddle last night. Instead of suggesting I crawl across the seat or change parking spots, Ryan opened my car door and reached for me to carry me through the puddle. Even Wonder Woman needs a Superman to rescue her sometimes...

Quote of the day:
"You're so awesome that your pants smell like meat."

Monday, October 26, 2009

Dear DHS...

Thank you for all of your well-wishes last week for my last day. I was surprised at the outpouring of generosity through gifts, hugs, email addresses, and encouragement.

Jim: Thank you for the card and gift card.
Jamie, Michelle, Tamara: Thank you for the cards. 
Alicia: Thank you for the card, candy and balloon. I will admit that in my excitement and fumbling manner I accidentally let the balloon fly away on my way to my car on Wednesday. I stood there and watched it disappear into the sky...
Jack: Thank you for the card and chocolate. I especially appreciated the festive wrapping. :)
Dan, Alanna, Bill, Kelli, Joe, Rich, Verna, (and JC): 10 points for funniest card ever. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, and always being my most amusing rumor spreaders. ;)
Jeff and Jeff (and Alanna, Dan, and Jack): Thanks for meeting up for drinks.
Darcy: Thanks for the drink money. It was well spent. ;)

I took a small va-cay to Door County, WI this weekend and it was much appreciated. I start my new job full-time tomorrow, and am looking forward to it!

Thank you again for everything over the last year.


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Journey to the center of the universe

Do you think that the tectonic plates of the earth could move so much that they could create a crack in the ocean that would suck all of the water into it, cooling the molten center and drying up the oceans, and thus ruining the earth?

Can you give me a hand?

Wouldn't it be weird if we all had 3 hands?
No, because then we'd all have 3 hands, and that would be how we were made. That wouldn't be weird at all. It's only weird in comparison to what we know now.
If we had 3 hands, we'd all be wishing we had 4...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Is it my turn yet?

Is it possible that I've met a smart, funny, good looking, interesting, patient, Christian man with similar morals and values, who sees life the way I do, has goals and dreams, understands the difference between right and wrong, doesn't live in his mom's basement and has a job and a car AND he likes me back... at the same time that I like him?

It just seems so far fetched.

Weekend Get-Away

My boss just asked me a minute ago if I was going out of town this weekend with my "new stud muffin." Well OBVIOUSLY. Isn't the natural progression of things:
First Date: Ice cream
Second Date: Burgers
Third Date: Mini-Skirt
Fourth Date: Weekend Getaway


Sunday, October 18, 2009

The full report.

Started my new job this weekend. LOVED IT. Yes my feet were so sore I would have been more comfortable if I had just cut them off. Yes I spent most of my Sunday under a blanket in front of the TV. No, I didn't care! I would rather be exhausted doing something that I love, than hating my life regularly.

Everybody was so nice and helpful. My trainer was patient and answered all of my questions. The food was good, the service was good. The company is organized and has standards and expectations.

Friday we worked a wedding (170 ppl) at the Mill City Museum (MCM) in Minneapolis. What a cool wedding venue! If you're in the market, check it out! Saturday we worked a wedding (225 ppl) at International Market Square (IMS) also in Minneapolis. Beau.ti.ful! I'll even admit that the wedding on Saturday was the first in TWO YEARS that made me think, "Ya know, I could deal with having a wedding like this..." instead of my usual, "Who would pay for this sh!t??" (You may or may not know of my wedding cynicism--it runs deep. Working weddings will do that to a girl... I should create a saying about "Always a server, never a bride.")

Thank you to everybody who has been praying for my job situation over the last year. It looks to be on the way to "answered!"

Thursday, October 15, 2009

My name is Lauren...

and APPARENTLY I'm an alcoholic...

Nice reminder.

Dear Dave,

Thank you for taking the time to check on me the other day, inquiring about how I'm doing, and then about my new job. It was nice to be reminded that I'm more than just a Lunch Lady to many of you, and that you care about my wellbeing.

It's moments like that which make me sad to leave you all.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Diet Coke Break

So, there's this customer at my work, and let's just say...

mmm... diet coke break...

So it occurred to me... that I've been giving the wrong blog address. ha. Oops! :)

The actual address is, and I've been telling people If you know somebody who has the wrong address, please pass the right one onto them.

Thanks. :)

Monday, October 12, 2009

He's a keeper.

I might not know men, but I do know food. And this one's a keeper!

Try it over white cheddar mashed potatoes for a delicious dinner. Trust me, this recipe is worth it!

Does anybody else think it's weird...

...that there's always broken booze bottles and vomit outside the St. Paul Alcohol Anonymous building?

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Well let me introduce myself...

1. First thing you wash in the shower? I'm strategic, I wash from the top down. Hair first!

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? I love all of my hoodies the same. I see no color.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?: FUCK NO. His name is Brian T****, and I recommend you steer clear as well!

4. Do you plan outfits? I do. See question #1, I plan everything.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Pretty relaxed. My whole outlook has changed now that I'm with new job.

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?: Hot sauce.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? It was one about my boss wearing lipstick and women's underwear. It was awesome.

8. Did you meet anybody new today? I've never met a stranger.

9. What are you craving right now? Watching SJ watch Elmo.

10. Do you floss? I own floss. I think the last thing I used it for was to tie by bra straps together so they'd hide under a dress.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Cole slaw!

12. Are you emotional?: I'm like an m&m.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?: next question. this is dumb.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?: Lick! Sometimes I bite it with my lips, but mostly lick. Which is especially funny to me since I've gone on a series of apparently provocative first dates to Izzy's Ice cream...

15. Do you like your hair?: Yes. I just got it cut, so I like it again.

16. Do you like yourself?: see #13.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? For sure. I bet he says some REALLY crazy stuff when the cameras aren't on...

18. What are you listening to right now? "dada da da, dada da da, Elmo's world!"

19. Are your parents strict? not really. They had rules and expectations, but that's not the same as strict.

20. Would you go sky diving? Yes. And found out last night that if my mom could do one thing tonight, no regrets, that's what she would do.

21. Do you like cottage cheese? Only if there's something crunchy mixed in with it, forcing me to chew, instead of just swallow chunks. SICK.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? I physically ran into Hulk Hogan in an airport once. I also shared popcorn with Tony Oliva at the metrodome once. That's probably it.

23. Do you rent movies? Not really. I'm not opposed to it, I just don't do it.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? Always.

25. How many countries have you visited? Canada. Scotland. And that one time I was in Germany...

26. Have you made a prank phone call?: Yes. And I pretended to speak french in it. I don't think they fell for it...

27. Ever been on a train?: Yes. The Amtrack, the light rail, and whatever they call the train in Scotland.

28. Brown or white eggs?: "Why does it always come down to race with you, Facebook?"--Erin. It's funny, because I said that SAME sentence to Alanna last week when I borrowed an egg, only it ended with "Alanna" instead of "Facebook!"

29. Do you have a cell-phone?: I dare you to find me someone who doesn't. And they can't be a grandparent, or middle school aged or younger.

30. Do you use chapstick? Yes. I'm in love with the one that was stuck to the sunscreen I bought.

31. Do you own a gun?: No. I've thought about it though.

32. Can you use chop sticks?: I have to practice before my food gets there every time, but yes.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? My mom, bro, and favorite Shirley Jean!

34. Are you too forgiving? No. I'm a championship grudge holder. Remember that.

35. Ever been in love?: Yes. Fool me once...

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? Oh, a variety of things. I think Erin is taking Roller Derby lessons. Jean is going to Aerospace school. Heather's going to ballroom dance. Mallory's probably going to sleep in since she's a vampire...

37. Ever have cream puffs?: made them, stuffed them, eaten them!

38. Last time you cried? I think his name was Brian, and oh how it was a waste of tears.

39. What was the last question you asked? "I don't know. Aren't they all the same? Stupid songs and bounching?"

40. Favorite time of the year?: Every season I'm looking forward to the season at hand. And during the transition times (like we're in now) I look forward to the next season.

41. Do you have any tattoos? If you find it, you can have it.

42. Are you sarcastic? I'm a very serious person.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?: Oh Ashton Kutcher, you've done it again!

44. Ever walked into a wall?: Yes.

45. Favorite color? Green, recently.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?: No.

47. Is your hair curly? No. It doesn't even pretend to be curly.

48. What was the last CD you bought? I don't know. But I bet Brian has it. And I bet he's going to send it to me, oh no, my work, just kidding my parents house.

49. Do looks matter?: Yes.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? You're wrong, Erin. It depends on how good looking SHE is. ;)

51. Is your phone bill sky high?: No. But higher than it should be! The KGB is just so helpful sometimes!

52. Do you like your life right now? Yes.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on? No. Sleep is a sanctuary.

54. Can you handle the truth?: Um, it really depends on the topic of the truth.

55. Do you have good vision? Yeah. I probably only wear my glasses 60% of the time.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?: Yes. Shall I list them off here?

57. How often do you talk on the phone?: I don't like talking on the phone, actually.

58. The last person you held hands with? Shirley Jean.

59.what are you wearing? No bra, no underwear, no socks. :) and regular clothes too. I've moved from "commando" to "terrorist."

60.What is your favorite animal? Pink Flamingos, mostly because of the stellar yard art they make.

61. Where was your default picture taken? MN State Fair 2009, this year.

62. Can you hula hoop?: Yes. I can also jump one like a jump rope.

63. Do you have a job?: Woot woot, a new job!

64. What was the most recent thing you bought? A gold sequined tiara for my Halloween costume.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?: Yes. First, because I'm always the smallest person around, and therefore I have to do things like that. And second, because sometimes I'm drunk.